Family forces son to grill burgers from them every week, refuses to help pay or clean, have a huge falling out when he starts to refuse: 'Your mum isn't nice, she's using you as a meat shield against your sibling and SIL'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 16, 2025 10:00 AM EST

Cooking for someone is a way to show your love. It's one of the most universally recognized love languages, especially this time of year. The holiday season is the time when we get together to make meals for each other to show just how much we care. It's not only a necessary chore, but it's a way for us to express ourselves to each other. But it should never be taken advantage of. Every time someone cooks for us, we should be thankful. If there ever starts to be an outstanding expectation, then things start to go awry. 

That's what happened in this story, when one man's nice contribution to the family ended up becoming a burden for him. He installed a BBQ pit in his area of the family home, and his parents' expectations became a bit too much. Plus, the added pressure from his sibling, whom he didn't even get along with in the first place. The way he saw it, he shouldn't be expected to drop everything every time they feel like a burger. The way they saw it, they were entitled. 

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  • A man stands over a barbecue grill in a field
    via Unsplash+ (Andy Quezada)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • So he did what any of us would do and tried to put his foot down. He was starting a new job and did not need the added stress of catering to his family's every whim. But, unsurprisingly, this didn't go down so well with the rest of the family. Read on to see what happened. 

  • Am I in the wrong for putting my foot down on being treated like a free cook for ungrateful people?

    I live in my ancestral home, with my elderly parents. I have a sibling that lives on the same property in a financed trailer. Some years ago, I paid to build a rather nice shop building and I installed a BBQ pit on it, for socializing. My sibling's spouse apparently loves my grilling and, for the last 4 months, every
    via u/SupermarketFew2977
  • Sunday I have been pressured into grilling. They bought only the first time. They washed dishes only the first time. Every time since it has been our mum buys and preps - the patties - I clean my grilling flatware and grill the patties - my sibling walks up takes three patties for his spouse, says 2 words and leaves.
    via u/SupermarketFew2977
  • I have been very vocal with our mom that this is not how communal dinners are supposed to work. I have told her I don't want to do it, but every time she pressures me into doing it again because she is just about the nicest person in the world and will do anything for the sake of avoiding conflict, whereas my sibling will blow up and not talk to someone for months for the simplest thing...his spouse isn't any better
    via u/SupermarketFew2977
  • Which brings me to today. Suffice to say, I wasn't in a good state of mind to begin the day, in the middle of going from a night schedule to a day schedule, I would have preferred to be in bed instead of being expected to grill. Our mum was still awake at 4AM making the patties. I was going to grill them at 10AM so I could get to
    via u/SupermarketFew2977
  • sleep, my foot was hurting (I didn't tell anyone) and I have a sizable job on Monday. So the lot of them go to church service (I don't really attend anymore), leaving me here. So I bring all my dirty utensils in from my shop to wash them in the dish washer and I can't find soap anywhere. I wait until they come rolling in from service at 11:30, I'm used to being in bed by noon at this point. Then, my father gets out and they...leave... to go shopping.
    via u/SupermarketFew2977
  • By this point I am royally pissed off because, IMO, communal meals shouldn't be this kind of crap. Months of this taken for granted stuff kinda came to a head. I texted our mom, after multiple failed calls: "This is some bullshit. I have no clean tools, they're all in the dishwasher and I can't find your soap, and I'm really tired. I'm going to lay down in 15 minutes. You guys either come back and help or I'm saying to fucking hell with the hamburgers."
    via u/SupermarketFew2977
  • She begged me to make the [sibling's wife's] burgers. I replied "Parties or shopping, you fucks have a choice to make. I'm tired.". | admit that I feel guilty about the language I used in those texts to our mom, I shouldn't have done that, but that's not the problem.
    via u/SupermarketFew2977
  • The problem is my psychotic sibling and their even more psychotic spouse read the texts over my mom's shoulder in the car, without her knowing, with the former grabbing the phone from her and apparently they've gone bat crap crazy over them, painting me as the bad guy. Now our mom is looking at me like the bad guy because I didn't just make the patties to appease them, saying I ruined Christmas. AITA?
    via u/SupermarketFew2977
  • A man flips burgers on a grill in front of him.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters came in with their ideas about the story.

    sl... she is just about the nicest person in the world Not nice to you though is she. NTA.
    via u/slendermanismydad
  • CrazyOldBag Your mom may be nice, but she's not THAT nice if she's guilting into doing this. Tell ALL of them that you are done, finished, over it - there will be no more grilling for them until you SEE some changes. Then STICK TO YOUR GUNS. They can only take advantage of you if you let them.
    via u/CrazyOldBag
  • yrebelution NTA....if they want food and specifically request it they should help in the preparing of it. when was the last time they made something for you that you liked to eat. Stop being a door mat...unfortunately your mom won't cause thats her kid......and stand up for yourself.
    via u/yrebelution
  • PerturbedHamster NTA, of course (although you could have been politer to your mother). I suggest you read don't rock the boat, which perfectly encapsulates what's going on here. Your brother/SIL rock the boat and expect everyone else to jump to keep the boat stable. You
    via u/PerturbedHamster
  • might want to share it with your mother to help her see a bit more clearly what's going on. Right now, the boat- rockers have no incentive to stop, because your mom lets them get their way.
    via u/PerturbedHamster
  • Fearless_Street52... NTA, but you should stay up if you are switching to days. Going to bed at noon will have you up way too early.
    via u/Fearless_Street5231
  • BlondDee1970 NTA but why haven't you messaged your brother and told him to do x, y, z if he wants burgers???
    via u/BlondDee1970
  • JustBob77 No more bbq! EVER!
    via u/JustBob77
  • gorilla1boy YTA. none of these people care about you yet you bend over backwards to accommodate them. Sleep when you want to, grill when you want to. Say no when you want to and stick to it.
    via u/gorilla1boy
  • limagineU "NO."...is a complete sentence. Sibling is being treated like the 'Golden Child,' and you are being treated like the 'Scapegoat Child.' Your mom is a narcissist.
    via u/limagineU
  • MarionberryPlus8... NTA I completely get how you feel but you are expressing anger at the wrong person. It's your entitles brother and his wife that are being jerks, not your mom. Use your words and tell them you are done being their designated free cook and maid. And shopper! If they want these barbecues they need to contribute.
    via u/MarionberryPlus8474
  • HappyLifeCoffeeH….. NTA. I would direct towards you sibling the stipulation that you will no longer grill unless they 1) purchase at least part of the food, 2) prep the area for grilling, 3) clean up after. If at any point they fail to do any of the following, you will not be doing a barbecue until they rectify the situation.
    via u/HappyLifeCoffeeHelps
  • capn_ginger You ruined Christmas 10 days before Christmas Eve? Impressive! NTA, and I'm sorry, your mother is not all that nice. She's sacrificing your well- being for a sibling who treats you like shit. A nice person would want all of her children to be happy.
    via u/capn_ginger
  • Federal-Ferret-970 Have you actually communicated the issue? Unless i missed it it sounds like you all don't know how to communicate. That said NTA for being at your witts ends but y.t.a. For not setting boundaries. Follow through.
    via u/Federal-Ferret-970
  • Interesting-Ride-7... You should stop using your mommy as a mediator and deal with people like the adult you presumably are. If you don't want to make your brother a burger, fucking don't? You don't get brownie points for acting like the burger martyr, just stop making them.
    via u/Interesting-Ride-710
  • Ririkkaru INFO: Why is she making the patties at 4am? Why are you grilling at 10 when they're back at 11.30? This makes it seem like BBQing burgers is a super long, complicated affair.
    via u/Ririkkaru
  • Extra_Simple_7837 You need to say what you want to do. What you want is a potluck meal where everybody brings something. You can ask people including this person if they want to do a potluck and if they do who wants to organize talking to people about what they're gonna bring.
    via u/Extra_Simple_7837
  • unconfirmedpanda NTA. Your mum isn't nice, she's using you as a meat shield against your sibling and SIL.
    via u/unconfirmedpanda
  • Office_Desk906 NTA Are you even getting much enjoyment out of the grill? Because you're not going to be able to change your mom's love for her child. Your sibling is never going to stop sucking. You can't move away and leave your mother to get neglected
    via u/Office_Desk906
  • by your sibling. So unless having the grill is worth the fights to come as you (rightfully) refuse to be used, the easier path is to claim it's broken, sell it, and don't replace it until circumstances change.
    via u/Office_Desk906
  • BlueSkyMourning NTA Why can't they come over, make it themselves, clean up and go home? They don't even have to socialize. Just leave it as good or better than they found it. Talk about weaponized incompetence.
    via u/BlueSkyMourning

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expectations cooking siblings family home burgers parents entitled people
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